Here are some choice finds from Craigslist Des Moines, where you can lose yourself for hours and have nothing to show for it but a head full of useless information.

When Joblessness Is a Joke

Bob is unemployed and applies for a job as a janitor at Microsoft. A manager at Human Resources interviews him in detail, then asks him to wipe a few floors as a test.

"OK," says the interviewer, "you're hired. Just give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the necessary documents."

Bob says that he doesn't have a computer, so obviously has no e-mail address. The Microsoft interviewer tells him that without an e-mail address he virtually doesn't exist, so the company is unable to hire him.

Disappointed and frustrated, Bob leaves the building with only $10 in his pocket. He decides to go to the nearest supermarket and buy 10 pounds of tomatoes. He sells the tomatoes door-to-door and within two hours has doubled his capital. He repeats the process three times and ends up with $160.

Realizing that he can make a living this way, Bob works hard from early morning to late at night. Every day, he doubles or even triples his capital. After a short time, he buys a small van, then a truck, and soon he has an entire fleet for his deliveries.

Within five years, Bob has established one of the largest food retail chains in the USA. He decides to think about his future and wants to get a financial plan drawn up for himself and his family. He contacts a financial consultant and they compile a pension plan. At the end of the discussion, the consultant asks Bob for his e-mail address in order to send him the corresponding documents, only to hear that Bob still does not own a computer and has no e-mail address.

"That's weird," says the consultant. "You have built up a massive retail empire and you don't even have an e-mail address. Just imagine what you would have achieved if you'd had a computer."

Bob thinks for a minute, then says: "I'd be a janitor at Microsoft."

Get Off the Grid, Sparky

A Des Moines-area electrician who claims to be “disgusted with the stranglehold that the energy companies have on the people of the world.”

“I would like to devote my life to getting every household ‘off the grid,’ “ Sparky writes. “I am looking for classes to take nearby to further understand these systems. I could do online, too, if it came to that.”

Can you help?

The Answer? What Was the Question?

This might be for you if joining masonic orders and hermetic schools; studying with ascetic Christian gnostics and priests; mastering Greek so you could make sense of Homer, Plato, the Stoics and the New Testament; delving into philosophy, astro and particle physics, biology, linguistics and logic; and pracicing Orthodox Judaism didn’t put you on the path to spirituality.

We don’t know. We just wanted to send you to the dictionary, while Patch grabs some aspirin. That sentence hurts her head and – no doubt – yours, too. Kabbalah, whatever that is, was called the “Cadillac of all human capacities” by one Eric Falbo of London.

Okey-dokey, then. It’s got something to do with cars.

Sunday Haiku

An apple a day ...

Apples shine so bright,
       'Cause there's a star in each one,
                Making you brighter.

Deja vu haiku

hmmm a deja vu
       it happens when they change things
                whirlybird go boom