A Craigslist Plea: ‘Stop Making Us Iowans Look Like Moronic Hillbillies’

Is there intelligent life on Iowa Craigslist sites? This person worries there isn’t and that makes Iowans look like moronic hillbillies.

“This country is in SERIOUS trouble,” the critic says. “STOP making us Iowans look like moronic hillbillies. Lets see some intelligent postings on here for once.”

Patch offers no argument – although a case could be made that our extreme choices in the Iowa caucuses have already done that – and even forgives the cap-lock shouting, for no other reason that this and this deserve to be shouted about.

That is not who were are.

But the First Amendment protects everyone, even ignorant, intolerant people who have nothing better to do than puke up their bile on Craigslist.

Here’s another #fail, though in the bumbling sense of the word: Worried that it might seem creepy to speak to a woman as they waited in line at a big box store, or again when they encountered one another in the parking lot, he doesn’t think it’s creepy to try to find her on the Craigslist missed connections page.

Hmm.

Around the Patches

While he was checking you out at the Raccoon River Park softball complex in West Des Moines, were you hoping he would try to steal second base? Also, here’s a head scratcher:

Is this what “interested” looks like in Waukee?

In Urbandale, are you running to anyone in particular?

In Ankeny, do you want to get naughty again? This may be a one-way attraction, though.

In Johnston, do they have more in common than the same brand of coffee?

Also in the ‘burbs, he was so overtaken by her beauty that he ignored her alcohol abuse. Seriously? Drilling these lyrics in your head is your punishment.

Dr. Love, this one is for your colleague: urgent care needed.

Virtual Desperation

Careful there, bud. Don’t trade one addiction for another.

There’s a pattern of desperation  – Patch is feeling charitable – on these missed connections, so a warning seems appropriate. This seems sketchy. And so does this.

Equal Opportunity Sexism: Has this man been objectified? And the contempt is stunning in this confidential to “Boss Lady Ma’am.”

After 17 years, Jenny, Jenny, he wants your number. They were high school sweethearts, worked together after he returned from the military and then he dumped her because he developed feelings. Now that he’s on the brink of divorce, he wants her back because “who knows, maybe fate still has a way of working out.”

Are you going to fall for that, Jenny?

Texting while driving the old-fashioned way. Is it safe?

Regular Craigslist funnies readers, what do you think is really going on between these two?

What?